Archive | April 2016

Daily Poem #21 The Handyman’s Tale

The Handyman's Tale


I answered an ad in 'Faryland Times' – I thought it a joke

Until a bear on a chair took me on : 'You seem a good bloke!”


So I packed up my kit and through forest and dale

I fetched up in Fairy Land: this is my tale


I don't get a mention, I'm sorry to say: my mythic employers prefer it that way –

But who do you think, when things go awry, arrives with his tools to save the day?


Rapunzel, for example, a delicate flower, sends for me frequently to unblock her shower

And that clever little pig despite all his tricks, needed an expert to point all those bricks.


The hooves of those billy- goats sure took their toll, but it a was ME, not them, that did for that troll.

I took out a plank on the bridge and he fell through the hole.


ITgey say that a woodcutter saved Little Red in her hour of need

But it was me that killed Wolfie, I did the deed.


Cinderella's coach? I put back the wheel that fell off when it went in a ditch

And with a dollop of Swarfega I made the glass slipper fit.


Those princes and giants have there place, there's no doubt

But there'd be few happy endings if I didn't help out!













Daily Poem #20: A Riddle

















Daily Poem #19 How To Make Apple Pie

First gather everything together

Into A Singularity

And blow on it!


That was a very, very,




Now wait 13.7 billion years and open a cook-book.


(My thanks to God.

Who did the Big Bang

And Carl Sagan, whose recipe this is!!)

Daily Poem Day #18

Sounds of Home:


Crack and hiss of a spiteful coal in it's narrow hearth

Westminster chimes, Disneyfied, by the ice-cream seller in his pink-cream van.

” My Whippy” or “Tartaglia's”

I remember the day they had a fight and whizzed dollops of vanilla

Over our wondering heads.

Mum's industrial Singer treadle machine

Whine-hum tat-tat-tat d-D-D–d-D (She was fast, my mum, sewing

Collars, plackets, pockets, lapels … for pennies Piece- Work,

For Comptons, where she worked, before she married.

My dad's old 73's churning around on his ancient record player

In A Monestry Garden, In A Persian Market, Panis Angelicus.

My dad wasn't a church-goer, but Panis Angelicus made me one.

Mum breaks into song.

“Catch A Falling Star and Put it in your Pocket …

D-D–D ddddddddddddd d-D-D


And my grandfather's old clock ( seven shillings and sixpence, Woolworth 1913

Ticks on and on and on …

Daily Poem #17 Rambling Through A Dictionary of Poetic Terms


Assonance, Cacophony , a Cadance arising

Ascends from Dirge to Ditty more's the pity

Bucolic, more peasant than pleasant

Definitely not Epic

Flarf! Don't make me laugh.

(Google it .. You'll see … )

A Genre for geeks if you ask me.

Haiku might suit you

If you're not into Hexameter

Which I'm not, because I forgot

How many beats I should encounter.

Possibly I'd be word-winning

If my Poet-heart tried Kenning

A Lyric for a Madrigal might be more my thing

Now there's a Metaphor for life or quolachrism

(Don't look THAT up

It's a Neologism … )



Daily Poem # 16 Al Manac


Alluring, isn't it, to delve into another

Life, to fetch up into the

Mystery of where,

And when, and how:

Nottingham, 1350, with Alan

A'Dale whistling through the beeches

Confiding secrets of centuries to come.



Daily Poem #15 Couplets ( For fans of Downton Abbey)

The Elopement

What a kuffufle: Hear the tirade!

The chef's ran off with the scullery-maid!

Her Ladyship's fainted, and when she comes to

No-one'll escape the hullabaloo!

“How could these ingrates do this to me?

They KNEW Lady Westmorland's coming to tea!”

The chauffeur, who loved her, won't leave his bed

And Pardoner, the gardener's, locked in his shed

(He had a crush on Monsieur, though nobody guessed

He stayed in the closet, at his lover's behest.)

His lordship has wisely left for his club

Constitutiinally unable to withstand the hubbub.

He was wounded in the whatsits during The War,

And leads a much quieter life than before …

Bounty, the mastiff's, rolls over, plays dead –

And King Henry's armour now stands on its head.

The Tweeny, when quizzed, swore not to know

That Nancy (the hussy) was planning to go.

And what, you might wonder was the fate of this pair?

Decamped, with no character, they might have despaired!

But no! Holed up in Brighton, renowned for it's looks

They're living off the proceeds of cooking the books!

Posted with BlogsyPosted with Blogsy

Daily Poem #14 San San

Save us saviour of the world,

For by your cross and resurrection

You have set us free. An empty tomb,

A grisly death, saviour of the world, fortold-

To set us free for perfection: God in action

By your cross and resurrection, you have set us free!

Cross and resurrection bloomed from a virgin's womb

Into a promise, saviour of the world : eternity






Daily Poem #13 Fortune Favours the Cookie Eater


First of May.

Wash your hair in dew and gaze into a mirror

(Careful! Don't break it!)

There he is. A tall dark handsome stranger

En route to Porlock.


Hand the cat (black, naturally)

To a neighbour and escort the

Stranger to Vegas,

Where, touch wood,

Your lucky dime will

Accrue, for you, a

MASSIVE fortune.


If not, head into the sunset with a shovel

And track down a rainbow.

Position yourself at its end,

Throw salt over your left shoulder, and



If Mercury is in the ascendant and

Cassandra on holiday, you

WILL find that pot of gold

Stuffed with enough

Shiny silver sixpences to ensure

You will, if you're lucky,





Daily Poem #12 Improbable Index …

AA sells manual for drivers

Abridged for coping with

Accidents and other assorted

Adventures. Take flying with

Aeroflot for example, an adventure and no mistake.

After all, it's not just

Agricultural workers who say

Ah-Ah!!! when denied first

Aid in an emergency especially when the door is left

Ajar: a trip hazard if ever there was one, and injury ensues. It's

Akin to exchanging

Aluminium hydroxide (toothpaste ???) for

Ammonium peroxide, which not sensible on the whole. Moving on – best remain

Anonymous, or only raise the issue of coherence under

AOB which is

Apparently essential if you wish to

Aquire a reputation for sobriety. Best

Arrive early for the meeting, to be

Assured of having your

Attendance recorded in the minutes. Next: Please don't

Augment your stature in any way. Safer to be

Average in every department. Otherwise an

Awful dendroligist will take an

Axe to your cherry tree a la Geoge Washington. However, speaking of the

Ayatollah, and let's imagine we WERE, did you know his favourite shade of blue was